He’s seeing someone new.
He’s seeing someone new and he didn’t ask for my permission, because that is just not how breakups work. He’s seeing someone new and it’s only been three months since we dated, and we were together for eight–does that seem a little fast to you? It does to me.
And here is the worst part: they came into my gym the day they became Facebook Official (which is a big deal these days). They came into my gym, my safe place, my home, my sanctuary, flaunting their smiles and laughter and pats on the back. He used to pat my back too, you know.
And maybe that wasn’t even the worst part, the very worst part was talking to him, pretending everything was okay between us when it so very was not. Perhaps that was the worst part.
I’m a very relational person.
I am passionate about community over competition, I am passionate about making new friends–and keeping them–and giving them all the love and support that I can give.
Maybe that is why this has been so hard, not only because breakups are hard in general, but also because I miss my best friend. I miss our car rides and inside jokes and donut runs. I miss his dorky jokes and his big smile and the way he would surprise me with little things when I had a bad day.
But our relationship is over, and so are the car rides, inside jokes, and donut runs.
I need to let go. I need to move on.
But here’s the thing: I just do not know how. Do I unfriend him on Facebook? Do I unfollow his friends–who are now my friends–on social media? How do I blot out lovely memories and a sad, abrupt ending in my mind?
The best way I know how right now is by surrounding myself with people who love and support me. The best way I know how is to pray when I feel devastated and empty and lonely, asking God to step into this sadness with me, asking Him to reveal the joy that comes with the sorrow.
I wish I had more answers, a detailed road map on surviving a breakup. I wish I felt more secure in my singleness, the way I felt before I met him, oozing a confidence that maybe even borderlined pride.
So here I am, letting go and moving on without having a clue what the heck I am actually doing. But trusting in The One who loves me, The One who provides and cares for me. I’m begging Him for peace, for light in such a dark and scary time. And I’m leaning into His truths and promises and sweet, sweet reminders of His grace.