Lately, I’ve doubted God.
I have not doubted His existence, but I certainly doubt His power and even His presence. I doubt He wants and works for what is best for me, I doubt whether He truly loves me with all that He is.
As per usual, me and my sinful heart are wrong — as a child of wrath, I simply cannot fathom all of His grace and kindness (see Ephesians 2). I’m caught up in Satan’s lies and my faith suffers from it.
But God — yes, the Creator of the Universe, the Giver of all things Good, the Father of my Spirit — He does do wonderful, miraculous things. He is present in the everyday mundane. He does want what is good for me and seeks that out. He loves me with His entire being and expresses that through grand, amazing gestures.
So why the doubt?
Though it’s been two years, I still struggle with anxiety and depression. Though it’s been a life time, I still suffer from insecurity and self-hatred.
It’s Satan lying to me, telling me, “Maelyn, you are not worth dying for. You are not worth giving life.”
So here I sit, in darkness and bitterness, doubting a Heavenly Father who has been so gracious to me.
I am more than a conqueror.
According to Romans 8, nothing can separate me from God’s love. Nothing on this side of Heaven can touch my relationship with Him, not even Satan himself.
“In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”
– Romans 8:37
When I face doubt in God and my faith, I must remember that I am more than a conqueror. That even Satan’s lies cannot keep me from the love of my Father, the power of His presence, the grace that He gives.
Mental illness and death and loss and hatred and broken hearts cannot keep me from loving and being loved by The King. These things are only earthly distractions, excuses not to pursue my faith. These things are only things that Christ came and died for.
Dear friend, when you doubt in Jesus, look to the cross. Look to the wonderful example of God’s loves. Look to how he conquered sin and death and Satan. Dear friend, remember you are more than a conqueror.