Geographically, that is.
I never planned to return to Dallas post-grad. I never planned to stay in Dallas for over a year once I moved back. I never planned this.
I planned to live in Nashville, New York, or some other thriving city. I planned to move far, far away from the troubles I experienced in Texas.
I planned to leave the version of little, old me I had become, in an attempt to become a little, old me I always dreamt of being.
But here I am.
Here I am, in Dallas, TX. Here I am, living north of 635 (even though I’d prefer to be an Uptown Girl — hey @Billy Joel). Here I am, with a cat in my household.
I didn’t plan any of this.
Though I don’t geographically want to be here, I like to be here in many other areas:
- Emotionally- thanks to a lot of Jesus and a little therapy, I am at a place where I recognize and accept my feelings. Before Dallas, I simply didn’t address or cope with them. It was madly unhealthy.
- Physically- I am at a place where I workout more days than I don’t, and boy does it.feel.good.
- Mentally- I’ve battled some dips here and there, but there are more better days than worse, and that’s such a good place to be.
- Spiritually- Jesus Man is just throwing me happy, little curveballs left and right — and I LOVE them!
“Here am I, send me.”
It’s hard to say and even harder to apply. But when I feel bold and empowered and remember all that Jesus Man has done for me, I declare it.
“Hello, God. It’s me. Your daughter. Here I am! I’m Yours!” It’s a moment of vulnerability, me shouting out my availability. It’s a moment when I’m inarticulate, my lack of eloquence only highlights my uncertainty.
“Andiamo! Let’s go! Let’s do things! Let’s make Your Name known!” It’s a moment of excitement, where will He lead me? It’s a moment of slight panic, what exactly did I just sign up for?
I’m on day 608 of living in Dallas. Day 608 of saying yes to Jesus and no to wandering. Day 608 of letting myself settle in a place where I refuse to settle down.
It’s usually hard and not much fun, but it’s worth it. I may not be where I want to be, but here I am. Send me.
