I’ve been a legal adult for 5 years now — blech, I’m getting up there. And a post-grad adult for nearly 2 years now. And a doesn’t-live-with-her-parents adult for 1.5 months now.
There are moments in life where I stop and go, “Shit. I’m really doing it. I’m an adult.”
These moments usually happen when a) I’m doing my laundry wearing my last pair of clean underwear or b) paying my $700 rent which leaves $18 in my checking account.
There are also moments in life where I stop and go, “Shit. I need Sweet Denise.” Like when I don’t know how many stamps to put on a care package to a far away friend.
when i look toward the future, i have big expectations.
I’ll finally get over my fear of commitment at Age X and settle down at Age Y.
I’ll save up enough to visit Pauli, my homegirl in Germany, in X many years and return to Florence for Y many days.
I’ll be financially responsible enough to purchase a car for X amount of dollars and Y amount of installments.
If this, then that.
It’s a hypothetical point-of-view. If I get over this flaw, then I will succeed in this area. If I become more like her, then I can do this. If I become less like this, I will do that.
but we aren’t made to live hypothetically. we’re definitive.
I am built with eagerness and tenacity and passion. I am wired with creativity and strategy and logic. I am naiive at times but my ambition makes up for it.
I am passionate about following Jesus, right things happening to right people (aka social justice) and breaking bread with people I love. I care for others in a deep and radical way and expect the same in return. Though I rarely cry, I mourn when I do.
This is who I am, how I’m made, what I’ve done. These things will never change, If I’m richer or poorer, stronger or weaker, funnier or more boring, then who I am stays the same.
I’m still Mae.
as crazy as it sounds, i am an adult.
I slide into work every Monday through Friday at 8:30 a.m. I graze for handouts at Whole Foods and make it into a meal. I buy a hedgehog on a whim only to return it one week later.
I pray to Jesus while I drive on 75. I cuddle my Pillow Pet penguin Charlie when I fall asleep. I reach out to my mother, Sweet Denise, almost every day.
If I overcome my fear of commitment, then I overcome my fear of commitment. If I save up for Europe, then I save up for Europe. If I buy my own car, I buy my own car.
I can’t sit and wait around for life to happen, wait to validate my age and life phase. I can’t sit idly and wish for more, expect for better.
I’m not a hypothetical person, so I don’t live a hypothetical life. I am Mae. I am definitive. This is who I am. An adult. A child. And somewhere in between.